


Proof of Anal

by kin_ki_anal



Category: Persona 5
Genre: ALAHA-verse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26609071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kin_ki_anal/pseuds/kin_ki_anal
Summary: set in the proof of anal/ALAHA verse, alternate ending.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Proof of Anal

**Author's Note:**

> set in the proof of anal/ALAHA verse, alternate ending.

The show’s long since been over: the band’s packed away their gear, the bartenders have started wiping down their counters, and Akira has been getting _looks_ every few minutes telling him to finish up his damn non-alcoholic cocktail so they can close up. He feels guilty for staying past his welcome, he truly does, but getting up—admitting that the night is over, that whatever fleeting reminiscence of happiness he’d had by sitting in the club and pretending _he_ was there—seems almost too painful to bear.

But, well. Akira’s no stranger to pushing through things that should be too painful to bear.

  


* * *

  


_Their relationship started with so much bliss, so much hope. Sure, Akira was the leader of the Phantom Thieves and Akechi was the detective sworn to catch them. So what? When Akechi bent over the pool table to take his shot and the whole room turned to take a look at the famous Detective Prince’s luscious ass, Akira felt a surge of pride that this was his, all his. Nothing else mattered; nothing could take that away from him._

_But when he sees Akechi walk into the engine room of Shido’s palace, he realizes just how badly he’s fucked it all up._

_He hasn’t seen his boyfriend in weeks. The reason, of course, was Akira’s urgent task of posting on the Akefanforum under the handle AkechiLovesAnal, defending his boyfriend’s honor and his unquestionable love of anal against that dastardly AkechiHatesAnal._

_Of course, Akechi hadn’t helped matters much. Whenever Akira finished posting a long argument as ALA—knowing that it would be at least a few hours more until AHA published their response—Akira would text Akechi to ask if he wanted to hang out. But Akechi always declined these offers, and then a response from AHA would come in, and Akira would be sucked onto the forum once more._

_Their relationship was tried even further by the unfortunate happenstance of hearing his boyfriend tell someone on the phone that he planned to shoot the leader of the Phantom Thieves in an interrogation room. But that didn’t even end up happening—they had created such a complex plan for it, only for Akechi to not show up at all. Soon enough Akira walked out of that room a free man, just in time to see AHA publish a fifty-page Google Doc as “definitive proof that Akechi Goro hates anal.”_

_What was important was that Akechi had decided to not go through with murdering Akira, which meant that there was still hope for their relationship...but Akira never followed that hope with action, instead sinking deeper and deeper into defending Akechi’s love for anal and letting Akechi drift further and further away._

_And here, Akira finally sees, standing in front of him in the engine room, is the cost._

  


* * *

  


Akira quickly finishes the last of his drink through the straw, the once light and bubbly greenish liquid now cloying with its lukewarm syrup. He puts a very generous tip down as he goes and doesn’t make eye contact with the owner still haunted by the owner’s earlier questioning of, _Where has Akechi been lately?_ Instead, he quickly pushes himself out the door as quickly as he can.

And all the while, he keeps himself grounded with a hand in his jeans pocket. A nervous habit he’s picked up, rubbing his thumbs up and down and up and down the smooth leather, up and down...

  


* * *

  


_Joker makes a mistake._

_Akechi steps down the engine room staircase in his prince outfit, telling them all about how he’s finally going to put an end to them, only for Joker to go up to him and say, quietly, “Akechi, please. I’m sorry I’ve been such a terrible boyfriend. I can make this right—I’ll spend all my time with you, I’ll do anything you want. We can even do...anal.”_

_He’s so certain these words will be a magic bullet. He’s so, so certain that Akechi Loves Anal._

_He is wrong._

_The fight is tough, but Akechi and Robin Hood alone are no match for the Phantom Thieves, and Akechi, knocked down and cornered, is utterly enraged._

_“You know nothing about me!” Akechi shouts, staring straight at Akira. “Friends? Teammates? Anal? You think these are things I_ like? _You think these are things I_ want?! To hell with that!”

_“Akechi…” Mona says, quietly. “Before, when you were talking to Joker…you don’t really hate anal, do you?”_

_“Oh, I hate anal,” Akechi says, a terrifying, manic grin stretching across his face. “I’ll show you just how much Akechi! Hates! Anal!”_

_Those words are the summoning cry needed to manifest Akechi’s second persona._

_His costume, and as soon as the Phantom Thieves see the black mask, all thoughts of anal are swept away like fecal matter from an enema._

  


* * *

  


Akira is walking down the dark streets of Kichijoji when the serene quiet is pierced by a shriek down the street.

“Proof of Anal! It’s Proof of Anal!”

Akira snaps his head towards the voices and sees two young men, one pulling the begrudging other by his sleeve to a store’s display case and chanting, “Look, look, look, I need it, I need it.”

The disgruntled man growls, “We have plenty of dildos at home.”

“But—this is _Proof of Anal_ , there’s absolutely nothing like it!”

Akira slowly makes his way over to them, heart pounding. Is this—are they really—

  


* * *

  


_“Proof….of….anal?” Morgana reads slowly, squinting at the red text scrawled across the top of the crossword puzzle. “This is Akechi’s handwriting, right? I mean, it’s the same pen color he used for the crossword right here, but…”_

_It’s small and carelessly written, but Akira can’t stop staring at it._

_“Don’t think about it too much,” Morgana says. “It’s just a scribble.” But how can he think of anything else when it’s been months since he last saw Akechi? When he still holds out the desperate hope that Akechi is alive somewhere? When he wonders if he’s truly gone forever, if he’s never going to learn if Akechi really..._

  


* * *

  


“Excuse me, can I ask you something?”

Akira comes right up to the two men, interrupting what the excited one was saying about how _it’s a true test of courage to show just how much you can take._ “What is Proof of Anal?”

“Oh! It’s this _incredible_ dildo right here in the window. It’s not for beginners, but if you’re ready for it, the features are truly top—”

“Proof of Anal,” his partner cuts him off, “is a toy for absolute _pillow princesses_ who constantly need new, expensive shit to stick up their assholes, becasue nothing they have at home is good enough for them.” 

The excited one doesn’t even have the decency to look ashamed. He simply grins and pulls his partner into the store, saying, “I just can’t believe it, they have _Proof of Anal…_ ”

With the two men gone, Akira is left alone on the street, standing by the light of the sex shop’s display case. The dildo in question is in a special display box of its own. It is, without a doubt, the biggest that Akira has ever seen. It almost resembles a small appliance more than a sex toy, what with its enormous motor and mechanized arms for pistoning in and out.

Akira looks at the dildo, and feels the tears begin to fall to his cheeks.

  


* * *

  


_“Of course I’ve heard of this whole ‘ALAHA’ brouhaha,” Akechi says dismissively. Akechi’s been sitting at Leblanc’s counter for hours now, just reading while Akira tended to the handful of lunch customers that came in. Finally, though, there was a lull, and Akira was free to make another pourover for his boyfriend._

_And before starting the pourover, Akira had finally gathered enough bravery to ask the question that’s been on his mind for ages. Has Akechi heard about the debate over whether or not he likes anal?_

_“My publicist unfortunately keeps me apprised of such things, lest I be caught unawares by an interviewer. But I must say, of all the inane drama I have been at the center of, this must be the absolute most juvenile and invasive.”_

_“Y-yeah,” Akira says back, his eyes locked on the pourover. He can’t let Akechi know that he has a very strong personal interest in the matter, not just as Akechi’s boyfriend, but as the drama’s main instigator himself…_

_“Honestly, why anyone feels the need to speculate on such crass matters is anyone’s guess; it is surely no one’s business, especially when the answer is so completely obvious.”_

Obvious? _Akira thinks._ The answer is obvious? What does that mean, Akechi?!

_While Akira is silently freaking out trying to decipher Akechi’s meaning, Akechi simply looks up at Akira and smiles, saying, “I’m so lucky that I have you to be able to escape all of that.”_

_“Of course,” Akira says, still not meeting Akechi’s eyes. “But you’ll need to be quiet for a bit, I have to focus on this pourover.”_

  


* * *

  


“He never….admitted….that he….likes anal,” Akira says through sobs, still staring at the dildo on display. 

Akira’s been mourning Akechi’s loss for months now—mourning how terrible a boyfriend he was to Akechi, mourning the life and anal he never got to have with Akechi, mourning everything—but it’s truly only now sinking in that he never got to hear Akechi confirm, in his own words, that he likes anal.

The dildo in front of him is proof enough, of course. To daydream about such an absolute monster of an ass-fucking machine, to lust after it so long that he would mindlessly scribble its name in the margin of a crossword puzzle...if he found Akechi’s empty apartment now, how many dildos would he find under the bed? How long had Akechi been using them to prepare him for this, the ultimate test of anal capability?

This dildo was Akechi’s true self, and Akechi never, not once, got the chance to admit it out loud.

  


* * *

  


_Shido had heard about the ALAHA scandal, of course, and when a cognitive Akechi comes out in the engine room to declare how much he loved anal and how he would have to shoot any false Akechis who claimed to hate it, it becomes clear which side of the debate he falls on._

_Akechi saves the Phantom Thieves, and his pride, by shooting the button and triggering an emergency closure of the bulkhead doors, trapping himself on the other side with his slutty, slutty cognitive double. He says something about stopping Shido in his stead, but more importantly, uses his last breaths to say, “Akira, hold on to my login. End my lies for me. My username is—”_

_But before he can tell Akira the truth, the cognition shoots Akechi in the asshole, and he bleeds out._

_Akira never hears the rest of his sentence. He doesn’t need to; he thinks he knows what Akechi wanted. After all, he checks the Akefanforums every day, and there is never another post from AkechiHatesAnal. AHA’s last post stands immortalized on the forum, posted on the same day that Akechi died:_

_“Perhaps Akechi does, in fact, like anal.”_

  


* * *

  


The two men exit the sex shop; the excited one is carrying a huge bag with a terrifyingly large box inside.

When Akira sees that man carrying his prized dildo, though, it’s Akechi he sees instead—an innocent, unblemished Akechi, free to be his true self and walking out the door of a sex shop with the dildo of his dreams.

The man and Akechi cry out triumphantly into the night, saying as one, “Now I can finally be a hero of anal!”

  


* * *

  
  
  


_アナルの証_


End file.
